Baby Mama

Sugar and Spice

All little girls are maybe made of sugar and spice and everything that is nice.

That is how that rhyme goes, doesn’t it?

All little girls dream of picking out wedding china, the white dress, thee perfect partner, the white picket fence, and ultimately being barefoot in the kitchen, heavily pregnant. Clichéd, Clichéd, Clichéd.

All girls, except me off course.

I thought myself too selfish to ever be a parent, and I never pictured myself walking down the aisle in a white dress, not even the time I was a engaged to someone, rocking a ring – Mrs. To Be and all that on my finger, I kept procrastinating setting a date for the actual nuptials.

That is how I never pictured myself there.

Mother nature however, has bigger and better plans for us, see your biological clock starts ticking and you try and suffocate it, you try to fill the gap with anything else, sex, drugs, parties, kissing a whole lot of frogs but the gap becomes bigger and losing my mother at the age of almost 30 added hugely to this gap I felt.

Then I met you,

Young, Fresh, Wild and Free literally.

You made me so so bold, I walked away from an relationship that lasted ten years of my life, but which also very dark…..but he was the one though.

Only now, I know, or no, I always knew.

And soon I was with child.

You left the relationship emotionally whilst I was with child.

I tried, I tried so hard, God knows I tried, for the sake of our child, for a year after giving birth then I gave up another year, then we started being civilized again and after four months, you said this is it for you again, for the second time.

Say what???????????????????

When you uttered those words, I thought how I could have a broken family.

Is it because I came from one?

God really has a funny way of showing he cares.

I always do things right. So how in the world could this be happening to me? And naturally, one is judged for this. I think reality only sunk in when he said it to my face again a few days ago, and he used the line, it is not you, it is I…. Cliché… Then reality blew me up when he said he wants to see our son for the day and clearly I was not invited.

Robotics.

Being numb and being alive nowadays is the same thing to me, I am used to being numb all the time, numbly I dropped of our son, our son we conceived out of pure love, our son that created a forever bond between me and you.

Our son….

I numbly picked up our son, and you want to chitchat with me?

You called me in the wee hours of the next morning wanting to talk as usual and I ignored your call, because for me, it was not business as usual..

I gulped for air, I had nothing to say.

There was this huge thing in my throat.

Our son was so happy and tired, he enjoyed his day fully.

And the only thing I could think of driving away was no wonder there is baby mamma drama out there… no wonder.

No wonder woman do the things they do.

Never could I have guessed that I would have to do this co-parenting thing.

I thought we would have been a family.

I mean, I did give up the one person I love most in the world for you. Do you know how much I love that man and still love him, yet I choose you, I choose us over and repeatedly? With all his crooked ways and wretchedness?

And I will never get him back, because of choosing you.

I changed my entire life for you, I stood tall against family and friends, just for you, and you give me this…..and not too long ago, I was willing again to change my whole life for you, by moving to where you live, just so that our son can get to know you a bit better.

I am so stupid and so naive… After almost three years you say, sorry, it is not me, it is you. Well forgive me for wanting to f…king scream and shout and cry, and eventually just lie there and wither and die….. Robotics….

 

Xoxo

Curvy Scorpio

 

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Some Sundays…

I’m missing you, missing you like crazy

Can I lay by your side, next to you, to you

And make sure you’re alright

I’ll take care of you,

And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight – (Sam Smith – Lay Me Down)

 

Some Sundays I yearn for you so much. L

No wait,

I am lying,

Most Sundays I yearn for you,

Okay, Every Sunday, I yearn for you.

Weekends are filled with loads of nothingness and that is when it creeps up on me,

Sunday’s I yearn for you,

So, So God Damn Much.

And then I wish I never fought with you so much, the way I did over petty things.

And then I also wish I never moved this far away from you.

Every other day of the week I am fine, I am coping, I am existing.

But on a Sunday, I am filled with so much feelings of homesickness.

Can it even be called homesick still, its been 11 months since I moved here.

This should be home by now.

Sundays, to me means to lounge around with you in my very close proximity.

Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran will be bracing us with their vocal talents in the background.

Rain drops will be drizzling down the window,

And I will be lying stretched out on the rug, next to you, not saying a thing,

Just breating, and feeling and listening.

 

Oh Well,

 

Happy Monday Folks.

 

Xoxo

Curvy Scorpio

One Minute Wonders

Kaylee was a real bad ass in her early twenties.

Exploring with so many things in the name of adventure and always on a quest to get to know her    body better.

Kaylee lived for one night stands, she was sexually molested when she was a teenager, so she was    definitely not the type of woman who would attach emotions to the actual deed.

Slutty, you may think.,

Another form of addiction you may think, but all of us has crutches.

Kaylee’s addiction is sex.

No strings attached sex.

Well for Kaylee it was liberating, it was as if she felt more and more removed from the ordeal in her past the more she would fornicate with another human being.

It has been a full two weeks since Kaylee has felt a man touch her.

She was craving some action.

Life was becoming too fast and her up and coming career as a renowned artist was keeping her way too busy.

So busy that she was sexually deprived for the past fourteen days.. She decided to head to a well known watering hole where other young and upcoming folk gather, it was Friday, it was summer, good vibes were in the air, all of these factors made Kaylee’s blood pulse stronger through her veins.

She allowed her eyes to go over the crowd and as soon as she got used to the lightning in the place and she spotted him from a distance. Unknown to her, most probably new in town too, not the usual, okay looking but he had a body to die for. Muscles in all the right places and an eight pack.

Yass Girl.

She was licking her lips knowing that this would be a feast, a whole celebratory feast for her underground structures. For a moment she thought he might be gay, his top was too tight fitting, clichéd yes, but she brushed the thought aside quickly.

Chances are he is bisexual, these boys and men of nowadays are very confused. Like a predator she took quick steps to get closer to him, fortunately for her, he was at the bar counter, ordering a drink, and she lightly brushed against his arm, all accidentally off course, see she was an expert in flirting, this person stood no chance, shame.

He immediately looked at her when he felt her brush his arm.

She felt his eyes on her, appreciating her curves.

Kaylee was one lucky girl, she had a sexy body and she was so pretty too.

No one gets it right all at once.

Woman are either beautiful and oversized or ugly and undersized, lol.

She, oblivious of him, ordered a drink. Kaylee, likes being sober minded at all times, thus alcoholic drinks is not her favourite, but she could stomach at least one till she reels in her victim.

When in Rome, do what the Romans do, it will also make him feel more comfortable, and he might end up offering to buy her a drink which would then set her bigger plan in motion, the plan to get involved in a conversation.

He soon started making conversation, and within ten minutes they were chatting up a storm.

She recommended a shooter for him, one which she knew would numb his thinking and he liked it and drank two. If only he knew what bad babelas that shooter comes with the morning after.

After an hour she wishpered something in his ear and his very skinny pants wanted to combust.

Men are so dumb when they are horny.

Like an offering she led him to his alter, her flat.

She never ever used her own bedroom for her filthy acts, she used the spare bedroom for her acts of pleasure.

It became heated very soon, she was kissing him and knowing that she was a good kisser, she knew it will not be too long till he would want to penetrate her, and she was also not made of stone, her body was busy reacting.

She threw him on the bed and tied his hands against the poles. And she felt so at peace, this was her terrain, her game. No words necessary.

She undressed herself slowly, his manhood was straight up in the air of excitement.

She had a beautiful body, one that requires hard work to maintain the look.

She threw herself on him and kissed him in places where he never ever knew he had any sensations, places he never even knew existed until now.

She untied his hands and he fondled her pleasurably, she didn’t want to erupt already, the moment was too good, thus she stopped him and flipped him over and he was lying on his back, she took care of the condom business and she seductively asked him: ‘’how do you want me baby?’’and before he could even answer her she saddled him, positioning herself woman on top.

Without any introduction, she slid down onto him, very slowly, so she could drink all of him in, she closed her eyes due to the intensity of the feeling, she was as wet as the Nile river, fourteen days has been her longest thus far, she rode him once, she rode him for the second time, this was not a new thing for her, she was used to doing this, she was perfecting her art work on his body and he froze, he got this glazed look in his eyes and the next moment she felt his body shaking uncontrollably, she first thought he was having a fit or something but she stopped moving and she heard him pray in tongues, and she realized he was having his orgasm, literally seconds after meeting her beautiful vajay jay. He was exploding, rupturing into a million pieces within the first minute of sex!

Just like that!

WTF,

What just happened here she thought to herself.

This was a young lad how the hell could he be so excited, she would have expected this from an older man, not a young man.

How the hell could he not control himself, post 60 seconds of tasting le good life?

The poor guy could not stop apologizing. Embarrased like never before.

He promised the next round to be better, but they tried the second time and same happened and that is when Kaylee threw him out, but naked. Literally.

Irresponsible child she screamed! Angry that she could not drink from the fountain that makes the world go round.

Very disappointed, she went to bed, wanting to put the entire ordeal behind her.

Well that was after she sorted herself out off course.

Girls like Kaylee has toys, pleasurable toys.

The End..

”xoxo”

Curvy Scorpio

 

 

Ultimatums

Ultimatums

‘’It is okay to love, and not have that love returned to you.

This does not mean you are not enough,

   For the ones who were unable to love you,

   Needed your love

   More than you did,

   You have shown them selflessness….

   You have shown them love,

   You are more than enough.’’ Unknown

I would like to believe that I am a very easygoing type of girl.

I don’t check up on you, I don’t go through your phone,(I did it once and almost suffered a heart attack, thus I will never do it again) I don’t get jealous often, I don’t want to know who you are texting with or sexting, I don’t ask you how long you will be if you out, or with your boys.

And the list goes on, in my view this is very easy going, there is a lot of very clingy woman out there.

I am not one of them. I am not clingy. No offense to my clingy sisters.

Easy not in that sense hey. Let us understand each other to understand each other well.

Well most of the time, I am easy going.

Yes, I have my days, of being extremely emotionally challenging but then most of the time you will experience laid back and non-nagging me. I got to keep you on your toes too, life cannot be that easy.

It took a very long long time to get to being laid back trust me. Not that I am oblivious, I just cannot break my head over things I really do not have control over.

I am now reminded about an acquaintance who always wanted to do things by the book (too much tv ruined people’s perceptions of how life must be) always and in sequence, like, meet a guy, pick out the wedding china, get married, buy a house with a white picket fence and then have babies, and she most probably will be bare feet and pregnant in the kitchen….. (Then the other person was only in it for the…)

Shem#

She nags, do you know how a toddler can nag, my son is now at that stage, he nags, it is so irritating, and this acquaintance nags too, until the poor person submits, or runs away.

In most cases, they take in the position of the ‘’running man’’.

I just do not nag a person.

And I do not want to be nagged.

I used to tell a partner that I am possibly the easiest going girlfriend ever and that he is the luckiest person ever, to have such a cool girl.

I do not ask questions, I do not demand answers, I allow you to go out, with whoever, I do not demand what time you will be home, and the next day, I do not nag as to what you got up to.

In fact, I do not care what you get up to; just as long, you also give me the same peace of mind if I wander around. And I can wander, and I wander hard.

See easy right?

But I think that is where I am wrong, so I decided it is time to shift gears literally.

So after an emotional overwhelming period in my life, I decided to be a bit more demanding, to be a bit more forceful.

Boy oh Boy.

I think I heard someone telling me that makes a man tick, if you tell him what to do.

Basically if you shunt him around.

I was at a stage in my life where I was just plain fed up, fed up for society, fed up for people, and and and….. And he had to feel my pain.

I have gone through a lot of trauma and difficulty as a result of this person’s behaviour thus a lot of emotion was tied up in the ultimatum.

I was sure that this is the only option left, and I was well aware that I needed to mean what I say.

I knew that there was no come back after this.

So I gave him an ultimatum, do not get me wrong, I never ever gave a person I was romantically involved with an ultimatum, I never deemed it proper, you cannot force someone to do something that you badly want, because months later, years later this person will resent you and you will be the witch on the broom in this whole episode, I always believed in the higher power, fate, and how things turned out is what God decided how things should be.

I am a real softy at heart.

And besides, why do I need to climb into a boxing ring to decide for another adult how they must feel about me, should that not be evident, should it not come from the other person?

Like voluntarily?

Where you are in your life, right now, be it good or bad, or just in between, or a bit of grey, that is where you are supposed to be, finish.

If I can afford a pair of designer sun glasses, that is my capability, yes, you might also want something like that, but maybe, you have something else going on in your life that I only yearn for, that I dream to have, e.g. like a happy marriage. – Please note this is just an example.

So part of my ultimatum was that he has one week to make up his mind, lol, hilarious!

This was now after a week of not talking to him, not seeing him and not replying to any messages.

I get you high on my drug and then I hang you out to dry.

And the addiction you suffer of me is dangerous.

You think you have it all figured out, but I crawl up on you so subtly, you do not know what hit you.

Works most of the time hey. Trust me. The punishment. The Anja punishment.

That is how I punish people, I take away your rights you had with me, in this case the right you had to talk to me.

One day you have rights, the other you do not. Just like that!

You will earn your right to talk to me. I am not just any other girl on the street.

So after a week of silence and punishment:

I, listen to this: I texted him my ultimatum and he shortly replied saying; he does not need a week to make up his mind……………and yeah, his reply was dripping with sarcasm.

He did not even ponder about it, he just replied.

What did I also expect?

And thinking I got strong game, I did this on a Friday.

Doing exactly what my stupid acquaintance would do, planning my victory in my head of a makeup weekend ahead.

I was so wrong about this.

I was shattered, had a horrible weekend, just wanted to stay in bed and not brush my hair, that is how I mourn, instead I could not due to a very busy toddler.

So I opted for no makeup, lounging around, and spending time with my toddler.

I now have an idea as to how any addict should feel, (no pun intended) those withdrawal symptoms, man it is bad.

Waiting it out is not a good feeling.

But wait, why am I waiting again, he already made up his mind Day 1..

I felt restless, I could not focus, and I could not eat, and hardly slept.

And deep down, I knew I made a huge mistake by changing my Modus Operandi.

No one like to be cornered..

Well, I could not care less whether he calls or comes anymore to act on my ultimatum, life goes on.

Subpar men, must fall.

‘’If you don’t know, now you know’’

Ok Bye….

 

‘’Curvy Scorpio’’

Follow me on Twitter -@AnkiezN

 

 

 

 

01 October 2011 – My Mother’s Funeral

01 October 2011 – My Mother’s Funeral

 

Writing It For Me, Means Feeling It.

Feeling It Might Make Me a Bit Sick, Emotionally.

But Hey, Nothing I Cannot Handle. She Used To Say That To Me, When She Knew, I Was Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place..

Nothing My God Cannot Handle On My Behalf..

 

Ps: and for what it is worth, the illness, that dark cloud (emotions/depression/immense sadness) crept up on me by last week Thursday and I embraced it, I invited it in to visit and I lied around the whole Saturday and Sunday morning, I said, thank you for visiting, but it is time for you to leave, we will meet again if it is meant to be.

Psalm 91v11 – 12: For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. NKJV

 

It was a Saturday Morning,

It was the morning of my mother’s burial.

I cannot remember whether it was evilly cold, hot, or just okay.

What was the chances, in a place where you experience four seasons all in one day?

Being back in town for a while now after a lot of years, I think it was most probably cold and it got warmer later in the morning, or sunnier, and after the burial I am sure the wind braced us with its presence.

An old myth of this town is (not sure if it is true) whenever a known grown up of this town pass on, the wind have to say its final goodbye and blow that person’s footprints away. So I am sure the wind was present later that day. My mind has failed me here. My mind has just failed me period on this day. Grief I suppose.

I was constipated as hell and it was painfully uncomfortable (I hear stress can do this to your body) – apologies for the graphic description,

I was heartbroken as hell too, felt like real physical pain,

Almost like someone was twisting a rusted old knife in my heart deeper every time I would breath, and one needs to breath all the time, (so imagine that feeling) and I can’t recall if I even slept a bit,

Felt like having a panic attack every other minute, and I am not saying this mildly.

I witnessed a colleague once suffer from these, it was not a pretty sight, thus I relate to it.

Shock can be confusing to one’s health.

I was tired,

I was numb,

Numb, Numb, Numb and Numb…

Real Real Numb.

I would have out of body experiences all the time, I cannot blame any medication on that feeling, because I refused to take any, unless someone slipped something into something I drank, (obviously with the best of intentions) because eating too was overrated.

There was this big lump in my throat, you can hardly get words pass it, let alone food.

Stress is the best diet ever.

You want to lose weight, invite stress into your life.

Jokes aside.

Because the house was really crowded,

My brother’s house, I shared a bed with a good friend of mine, (female) and my little niece, who were still very much in love with her aunt by then, she is a teenager now, and fell out of love with me meanwhile.

People came from everywhere to the burial, but up to today, I only remember one or two faces.

Most of my friends/colleagues made it; I know that because I had dinner with them the previous night.

But thinking back now, I cannot recall seeing one of their faces at the burial, that is how emotionally distraught I was.

You think you will never live to see that day, that day that you will bury your mother, but at the tender age of 29 I lived to see that day.

I was the last borne and I am not saying my siblings did not feel it (they don’t even know I blog so chances of them reading this and catching flights is minimal), but I do say, I maybe have felt it a bit more than them, much much more, since I lived with my mother permanently under one roof for a very long time, whilst they left the nest and found themselves their own families, so me and mum was a family. Just the two of us. And we did’nt see my sister and brother too often, due to them living in other areas of the country.

I was there when she would go to bed, when she would wake up, when she was ill, when she was happy, when she was sad, when she would go to work, I would pick her up from work. You understand, my life revolved around her, and vice versa.

I am not saying we had this magical beautiful relationship, I know I irritated her with my introvert personality, and she irritated me with her OCD, but hey, she was my Mamma. I loved her regardless and vice versa.

I think it was the only day ever in my life that I did not plan my outfit.

Yes, I always plan my outfits.

I am very sure I did not wear makeup, because what would be the use if you would end up looking like Liewe Heksie, with mascara all over your face.

I am sure my hair was dirty, since I went to a hairstylist and she claimed to not have any openings, so I had no other choice to rock the dirty do. Not that I cared much.

Baster tradition has it that the body comes to the house for a while before the actual memorial at church, in Afrikaans it sounds better, (‘’jy word uit die huis begrawe’’) the body off course in the casket and also it will be opened for a specified time for viewing, for those who would like to see the body in that dead state.

No pun intended.

Day 2 of writing this…it is not easy..

Who in their right minds would do that?

It is the worst kind of thing you can do really.

To force someone to view a body by societal pressure.

My mother liked those kind of jokes, forcing a person to go view dead people in caskets when we would go to funerals together, I always refused.

Do not get me wrong, not because I am scared, I was a cop, I would pick people’s brains and body parts up from accident scenes, I would attend autopsies. So I am not scared. I just have a vivid imagination, I would never get that picture out of my mind, and that is something I just do not like.

Another baster belief is that you need to view the body in order for you to make peace.

Nonsense I tell you.

Let me not get basters in my hair now.

I remember the casket came and people crying, looking, and feeling uncomfortable and staring at our reaction.

I do not know who carried the casket into the house, that is another major ‘’thing’’ as per tradition.

My fiancé was there too, but our relationship has expired by then, actually a day or two before the burial, like as if a girl needed all that heartbreak, but it was long overdue.

Was I wearing his ring still then, I cannot remember.

I think it took me a while to not wear it no more….

You see, I was almost made an honourable woman once.

I can just imagine how my aunts was most probably gossiping about it. Saying hush hush, shame she is not wearing her ring and she is burying her mother. Or shame, he left her yesterday and today she is burying her mother.

Family can gossip I tell you.

I remember arriving at church for the memorial service, I saw an Uncle from my father’s side and my dad crossing the road. He too now, has passed on.

I remember walking into the church, I have grown up in and this time I had to use another entrance, the side entrance, that side is used for funerals mostly, the entrance is bigger, I think I was one of the poll bearers then, or was I one after the memorial service in church. Memory Fail Again.

In the funeral programme booklet it would read – ‘’from hearse to altar’’ or ‘’from altar to hearse’’

Someone came to hug me and hold me, I still remember her scent, she was a good friend of my mother, she said, so she also decided to leave me behind.

People can be selfish, trying to make her pain bigger than yours.

Not that it is a competition but a word of advice if you do not know what to say, just keep quiet, sometimes your presence is all that is needed.

As I lifted my gaze up, I saw someone at the organ, and she attempted to sing a solo, but she failed dismally at the second word of the hymn,

Sorrow overtook her I suppose.

And I suspect she also felt that lump in her throat, so the words she was uttering in song, were caught by that lump.

I did not blame her, she was the last born of a big family that is related to my father, and my mother was present when she was born, if my memory serves me right, mum literally caught her…

I remember the Bishop who conducted the memorial service, he confirmed me and I was very fond of his sermons, but that day, nothing came into a soul of mine. It was pitch black.

I kept staring at my mother’s picture, which was placed strategically on the casket, and I think I had conversations with her in my mind. I did not shed a tear.

My church’s way of doing things can be a bit blunt and without emotion at times – (hopefully I do not get shunned for this) so the memorial was over soon.

My siblings then decided that I get the honour of driving in the hearse with my mum to her final resting place (this is so difficult to write yazi)..

I am always very opinionated, but that day I just accepted their decision.

I actually felt my sister who is the eldest should have that honour, she flew in for the burial, and she lived in South Africa at that time.

I accepted their sincere offer but I insisted that my car drive directly behind the hearse, which caused a bit of mayhem.

The distance from church to the cemetery was not far,

But in a hearse, with a casket,

And the contents of the casket, that has the only person who loved you unconditionally inside.

Makes it one hell of a long ride…

And the undertaker just drove in 1st gear, he did not even attempt to make small talk the man was used to his work, he knew how to sit next to pain every weekend and shut his mouth.

If he had dared small talk, I most probably would have choked him or something.

I wonder if he was wearing a tailcoat suit.

I always have this picture of undertakers wearing tailcoat suits in my mind.

The only thing I thought about was not to leave my hymnals of church in the hearse.

I kept saying to myself in Afrikaans: ‘’Anke: moet nie jou kerk sak met jou kerk boeke in die kar vergeet nie’’ x 100 maybe (Anke, don’t forget your church bag, with your hymnals inside the hearse) x 100 maybe.

And if I stopped saying that to myself, the casket rolled on the stretcher forward; it made a screeching sound, off beat every other minute, and for a moment I thought mum was trying to get out… I know, I know, imagination and too much tv.

Grief is another monster. It can drive you to insanity.

I almost thought mum was going to fall out of that casket, or get up alive.

I managed not to forget my bag.

Maybe the fiancé took it out of my hands.

For control, I left him and he did not want to hear nothing about it, so he was still around.

The next thing I remember was standing at my mother’s open grave.

It was horrible, writing this I shortly have to get my ish together….but as I have said, if I write it, I feel it, and I need to feel it… It has been 7years now.

There at that open grave, sorrow also overtook me completely, I know for a split second I forgot that I was unfianceed(new word), and I searched for him in the crowds, but he was nowhere I heard later he was trying his luck then with some yellow bone who was also my neighbour imagine, and meanwhile, I was spilling my guts cause of sadness. Men have no shame, or some of them at least.

I remember my brother reaching for me and embracing me and comforting me and in a split second the grave was closed with sand and people were decorating wreaths on it. I wanted to throw them with bricks. But hey, they did nothing wrong.

But I am violent also sjoe…

Just like that, my mother’s life was over, in a casket, in a grave, kapish. 59 years of life.

Life is fucked up.

Could she not have lived longer?

She was not old; her body was yes, but not her spirit.

Let me rather not go here.

I do not wish this upon my worst foe.

The pain is just too unbearable.

For 3yrs after this horrendous day, I tried to keep my shit together, in a very unconventional way and I survived, the other 4 yrs. my son kept me sane, and filled that void.

Why did I write this?

I wrote this because, it was the most painfullest thing I have ever experienced in my life, and it has changed me immeasurably, hopefully in the long run for the better, and I could not have shared what I wanted to share without going visiting this experience but the main reason for writing this is, the irony behind it all.

The Saturday I gave my mother’s body back to the earth via a burial and the next day, a Sunday I had to celebrate Thanksgiving Service at church.

I celebrate Thanksgiving once a year as a New Apostolic Christian. (I am not promoting my faith here). Thanksgiving is celebrated the first Sunday in October each year.

And I quote: ‘’Thanksgiving Day is an outward expression of thankfulness. “But we know that this should not be limited to a single day.” This feeling was to become a defining attitude of the soul and of our lives. Many people take a moment on this day to express thanks for that which the Lord has laid into the natural creation. “But our perspective goes beyond the natural. We rejoice over many more things which we know and feel the Creator has set into motion.” Chief Apostle Wilhelm Leber.

http://www.nak.org/en/news/news-display/article/16947/

Our Thanksgiving always has a theme, and with that theme, we decorate the altar (e.g. the altar will be decorated with only fruit and vegetables, or bread or whatever the theme seams fit just as a token of celebration the day before the service. Memory fails me here as to what the theme was for Thanksgiving 2011. After the service, the décor will be divided among the less fortunate.

And this again, sparks another trail of thought.

My mother was a doughty spiritual woman.

She would nag you to get up and go to church.

Whether you just got home from a wild night, it was your issue.

Ask anyone who has ever visited; you will go to church with us on a Sunday morning.

Months after her passing every Sunday morning, I would imagine hearing her voice waking me up for church.

One never understood back then, but now I do that I am a mother myself.

And as so many people comment on me being active in church activities, many of them who were raised just like me in the church, I tell them, that is the only thing that fuels me, that drives me, without my spirituality, I would have withered and died.. I am not saying I am better than the next, but due to being weak, I try to stay close to his warmth and tenderness.

The eve that my mother drew her last breath, she asked me minutes before that to pray for her.

I thought it such a weird request, she would normally pray, she would instigate all spiritual activities in our household.

Now years later I pray in the household to instil the same discipline within my son.

I started praying, and I didn’t stop and I remember my words till this day, I said Dear Lord, where we are entering the month of Thanksgiving, let us remain thankful, for the good and the bad.

And I heard her sigh, and when I opened my eyes, she was gone…

 

The month of Thanksgiving gave a new meaning to my spirituality back in 2011.

This coming Sunday we will be celebrating Thanksgiving again.

Let us remember to give thanks for the good and the bad, because there is a lesson in it all.

Below find a link to how the decorated altars look like.

 

https://www.google.com.na/search?q=thanksgiving+new+apostolic+altar+decoration&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=YWs3u5yElqdd8M%253A%252CDvaBTxwWM3-h0M%252C_&usg=AI4_-kRv2Ubn0i3IsjLwsUA69X70s7H43A&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjH8P3r_-fdAhUHmbQKHZPsBVIQ9QEwAHoECAYQBA#imgrc=mmW0eGrzPap4RM:&spf=1538491614970

xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Need of Adulting

It’s Friday,

It’s Lunch Time,

Knocking Off Is a Dream That Will Come True In a Bit.

Knocking Off Means Weekend Mode!

Weekend Baby..

You Got To Love Friday’s.

Well, for what it’s worth, I love Friday’s..

It means a two-day break from the rat race,

Two Day’s filled with sanity…. And Rest, No Early Mornings, And Nosey Colleagues.

The other day someone asked me why am I not working on a Saturday and I told them, unapologetically, my friend, I have arrived.

Just Joking,

I am not this vain.

But honestly, I regard weekend labour as slavery.

I respect people’s hustles but my apologies. I hustle hard enough five days a week.

Been there, done that, got the free T-Shirt.

So not doing it again.

That’s why you need to push to get that paper, so you can also not work weekends, ha ha.

Most of the time, MOST of the time, I am very happy with my OWN COMPANY.

But, there comes a time that I crave a bit of adult company,

Yazii, I feel the need to go out and just adult for an hour or two.. But no friends, story of my life, or let’s just say the few I regard as friends, have absolutely nothing in common with me anymore. (This is the part where I am labelled a diva).

Like I have moved here, 11 months ago and I still have no friends. The introvert in me..

The older one gets the more difficult things become clearly, it is not as easy to make new friends in your late 30’s..

Today is one of them very scarce days that I am not in need of my OWN COMPANY..

I am in need of adult company in the sense of:

Open Skies – Dreaming that it will be anything above 14 degrees Celsius here…

Picturesque Sunsets,

A Slight Breeze,

Two or Three People To Keep Me Company, Not a Crowd,

Sexy and Colourful Cocktails,

Light Banter – I don’t want to hear nothing about peoples new found love or other problems or how they planning their weddings…

Maybe Deep House Music (in the background that manifests itself in the pit of my tummy, getting me ready to release the tension of the week),

Good Views All Over,

Strikingly Handsome Views Too or Even Just Handsome Views,

A Light Snack Platter,

No Beeping or Vibrating Cell Phone.

And Then:

After an hour or two, the waiter brings me a piece of paper,

And I read the following message: ‘’please pay attention to your phone’’.

This has bae written it all over, only he can be sexy and demanding at the same time.

I take out my phone from its hiding spot and I see message notifications, but I only open the one which is from him, and it is an image of a bottle of wine and a bubble bath lit with candles,

He was not Forceful or Excessive, Just Subtle Yet His Message Was Deafening.

That Was My Cue,

I Humbly Excuse Myself and Speed Home.

To Go And Join Bae.

The cocktail you had with that lingering text, and the image of the bathtub made blood flow in places you forgot existed, and you close your eyes for a short while and you know that he is going to make you one happy sister soon…endorphins and all.

And then you will be having the real adult conversation you actually crave for.

Bust it open baby…

Happy Weekend

Scorpio Readers

xoxo

 

 

Hard To Get

Soooo…

There is this phrase called playing Hard To Get.

Is it still effective I ask myself?

Is it necessary to be so dramatic and act a prude, if you know what you want and how you want it? Serving Dishes And Finish. Ready to Eat The Meal Manje.

According to the American Heritage Idioms Dictionary the phrase, ”Hard to Get” means to pretend to be inaccessible or uninterested, to act coy, especially with the opposite sex.

Well I was told that this totally pushes a man’s buttons.

Makes him hot under the collar.

So, I still have no answer for myself but yes let us devote a few weeks/days to playing hard to get. Whether he is your husband, partner, side bae, whether it’s a he or a she.. Not My Business.

Let him earn you. EARN YOU.

Jerrr, I am going to ruin a potentially good relationship by blabbing my entire have been stuff, but hey, got to get the juice flowing so my readers come back? Sorry Future Bae…

A good friend now, some years ago, was a total stranger to me and he liked me immediately. Liked me in a romantic way, very very much…

We kept on bumping into each other on the social scene, and one night he managed to make small talk with the ice princess herself, and he dived right in and asked for my number, I think he cut to the chase because he was afraid that he might lose his bravery soon, I retaliated and I refused, I replied by saying,’’ if you want my number, work for my number’’…..

And I stood up and left. The party was not even over, I was just being an Actress.

Have you seen me, I am not pretty,

I lie, I lie I am hell of a pretty, all yellow and stuff, but I do not have a sexy bod, but I am cool with what I have, but I could feel that man dying a million deaths, by my actions. I felt like a Victoria Secret Model whisking away on a cloud of soft vanilla.

 

He was dying and drooling.

Dude thought I was going to give it to him just like that.

Have you seen my level of beauty? Just like that? With all my yellowness…

Needless to say, the next morning the dude woke me up with an audio…..

I smiled like Garfield, thinking in my heart, that’s it boy. Good boy.

Nothing that sets a man’s soul on fire with the unattainable, and them going into real animal mode..

How did he get my number? He worked for it..

He lied most probably, he bribed someone most probably, I do not care, but he got it after a few hours of me demanding him to get it himself….

That sentence we like tuning in cover letters when applying for jobs: ‘’I thrive under pressure, or I work well under pressure’’ that is where Earning It Comes In. Hilarious.

By the way, stop lying in your cover letters. God sees you.

A little challenge goes a long way.

Sorry friend for telling on you…. I know, you guys now want the dirty neh, we ended up being good friends, just friends.

And let me tell you, once you demand and act the boss, they all crawl…… tip for another day.

Let him work for you.

That is the least he can do if he is going to be sweating down on you later…mxiim.

Go womanhood!

You deserve to not give it up.

And if he does not want to work for you, just know, you are not all that.

PS: I still walk like a Victoria Secret Model…..kekeke

 

Ladies: Thank me later..

 

”Curvy Scorpio”

Red Flags and Cheating Men…

I am sassy,

I am street smart (very street smart),

I am feisty as hell,

And I am a Scorpio Female (My star sign); there are actually people out there who would not begin to know what a star sign is.

My one lecturer said, people go through school and people go to school, let me leave the jabs at that.

Scorpio is the eighth sign of the zodiac, and that should not be taken lightly.

Not even a little lightly….

The peculiarity of Scorpios is immeasurable, which may be why they are such adept investigators.

https://www.astrology.com/astrology-101/zodiac-signs/scorpio – Accessed 24 September 2018.

And this Scorpio Female is a ‘’has been cop’’. Dangerous Combination.

Olivia Pope’s Dad (Eli), in one Episode of the Fixer tells her that ‘’you have to be twice as good as them to get half of what they have’’.

I am twice as good, and besides woman are inherently smarter than men… my opinion…

I will leave it at that….

I grew up in a household where cheating destroyed my picture of a happy family, so I think I am 101 % more tuned into it than any other sister out there, and I see and hear so many wives staring them blindly at the truth….And it is so clear for outsiders to see.

Therefore, today, I want to empower my fellow sisters regarding cheating:

I think cheating is inherent for men, and it is not personal, it is just a bad habit/societal cliché they are born into and has to follow through with to fit in. Please do not get me wrong, I am not saying it is okay, I am saying some point in your life, if you let yourself slip it might happen to you, hell it happned to me multiple times.

I know, I know, I might be the only woman thinking like this out there. I am awesome like this, open minded.

For them it is all about a piece of meat, and the more they can eat variety of it, the better, there is no feelings, no starry eyes, no, I love you’s.

While we woman, pick out the wedding china, after the first physical encounter, crazy….

And we live in an African continent, our African men has humungous sexual appetites, so it is impossible to please them at times… they all the time hungry.

 

Your answer lie in your partner’s behaviour, most of the time, if this person changes drastically from normal to abnormal.

A few red flags can be:

– if he never cared to use cologne, and now all of sudden wears expensive cologne, or just cologne and he smells like he literally bathed in it.. He most probably wants to impress someone else…, which is not you. RED FLAG,

– if he keeps his cell phone close by all the time and he never used to, e.g. an ex of mine once upon a time, use to take his phone with him to the bathroom to go do number 2.. Imagine… he would not even make a mistake of leaving that phone for a minute, and I am not that type of girl….. With that action, he blabbed on himself, but I acted as cool as cucumber, RED FLAG.

-if his phone rings and he refuses to pick it up when you are around and making some silly excuse that he will be calling the person back, or he does not know the number, liessss I tell you, lies, it is the other madam calling….RED FLAG.

-if your sexual calendar was quite busy and now all of a sudden dololo,, that is where your first hunch should even start a man cannot go without that kind of food…. – that is where the nice Afrikaans word will be born in my household ‘’huismoles’’. Do not starve a Scorpio woman in that area…

-if he has a new wardrobe, or a new sense of style…….and he was not much into it, or if he is spending more time investing in his appearance, like joining the gym, trying to be more active to look good, RED FLAG.

-if he is out more than he used to be and he cannot give you a clear answer as to where he is, RED FLAG.

-if you guys have all these young fights over nothing and the air is loaded most of the time, and the fights happen close to weekends…kaboom, so he can do whatever he want without wanting you to nag him come the weekend, RED FLAG.

-if he has energy for bedroom antics, and he is doing it like a mo fo foreign person, all new styles and flipping you around like some acrobat, and he has been all about the missionary all this time…. Someone has showed him new tricks….RED FLAG.

-You have prepared him a nice three-course meal or something close to it, which still was effort, and he is not hungry and it happens more than once? Maybe she be cooking for your man..RED FLAG.

-If he acts all insecure more than ever, he is up to no good most probably, RED FLAG.

-If he comes home after work or whatever he does and he spends a few minutes in the parking lot/garage on his phone – he might be deleting conversations. RED FLAG.

-I have heard of married couples and people having security patterns and passwords on their phones and it is so weird but let me not judge people out there, but let us say he never had a security password or pattern and now all of a sudden he has, why? What is so confidential that you cannot see? RED FLAG.

-If you are one of them woman, who snoops in his phone, it is really not advisable, but if you are in that league, and I am not throwing any shade… and his call log is clean, his message inbox is clean or his WhatsApp inbox has no previous chats… RED FLAG.

-This one is as old as the hills, but if he puts his phone on Flight Mode more than often when he is with you….. RED FLAG, how will you notice this, when his phone is always busy and now all of a sudden when he is with you its not, he be doing that doll..

-If he spend less and less time with you, he has trips weekends and is not reachable, RED FLAG.

-If he spend more money out of the household/relationship budget and cannot account for it, RED FLAG.

-Off course you not going to notice these things, because you do not want to or you simply have lost touch with your partner or the entire world around you.

I AM NOT SAYING ALL MEN DO THIS, I AM JUST SAYING LET US BE MORE VIGILANT AND STAY IN OUR PRESENT RELATIONSHIPS AND BE LESS OBLIVIOUS TO OUR MEN AND THEIR BOY NEEDS…..

Once again I am not saying Cheating is cool, I am saying it is alive and it can happen, the answer is to not take it personal, if it happens it happens, you either walk away or you fight as hell for him..

DUST YOURSELF OFF IF YOU HAVE TOO..

And treat your man like the little boys they are who want constant attention….

 

Xoxo

Curvy Scorpio

 

 

My Perfect Man

My Perfect Man Image.jpg

I have given the topic a bit of thought and here it is, if I am describing you, please come find me…

 

Would Be Strikingly Handsome, With An Honest, Open and Noble Character,

Would Definitely Have A Relationship With God,

Would Be A Bit On The Tall Side, (I know I know) – Negotiable

Would Have One Hell of A Sense Of Humor, Believe It Or Not, I Like Laughing,

Would Regard Family As Very Important,

Would Be a Wine Lover, However, PS: Not Have a Drinking Problem,

Would Have Impeccable Dress Sense, and Just Impeccable Taste Period. – Not Negotiable.

I am Talking About Manicured Nails and Pedicured Toes, Exfoliating His Skin etc, – Okay Not Too Feminine But The Basics Should Be Important.

Would Be Painstakingly Tidy, I Suffer From OCD. Untidy and Me Are Not Friends,

Would Have The Most Beautiful Relationship With His Mother,

Would Be an Avid Dancer, Even If He Only Dances With Me,

Would Be a Music Lover and Will Entertain My Love for Hip Hop, – Not Negotiable.

Would Smell Divine Most of The Time,

Would Buy Me Flowers or A Gift Now and Then,

Would Be an Adonis in Bed, – Not Negotiable..

Would Understand That My Son Is My Biggest Priority In My Life, The Two of Them Will Not Have To Compete,

Would Be Spontaneous, He Should Like Travelling and Open Air Music Shows,

Would Be Well Established or Well On His Way to Get To Establishment, – I Am Willing To Help Him Get There, But I Am Not Supporting A Man,

Would Definitely Not Be In His 20’s, – I Just Cannot Deal With That Kind of Uncertainty and Pressure,

Would Be Blessed With a Bit of Ambition, I Am Not Asking For Much,

And Most Importantly Should be a Friend and A Companion and a Pillar of Strength,

And Would Love Me Unconditionally, Through The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, And My Mood Swings..

 

‘’Sigh’’

 

Curvy Scorpio

 

xoxoxoxo

 

 

My Heart Say’s, It’s Time

 

 

If you are a parent, your entire world revolves around your children/child.

Can I get an amen?

I am not complaining though, merely stating the facts.

As a parent, you also sometimes tend to say more No to yourself than Yes.

It is a selfless act, but once bestowed to be a parent, it comes naturally, it is inherent.

As a parent I have mastered the art of a ‘’reward and recognition’’ system. If you behave, I will give you a lollipop.

If you do not behave, no Television and no lollipop. I can already hear the wailing in my ears…..

Thus, since this is working quite well for me, I decided to reward myself.

Not with a lollipop, but with a night out.

Music to this adult’s ears.

I thrive on crowds and all the other nice things a night out promises.

I had a very good week leading up to the night out, there was again hope in a dreadfully small town, hope to get some fresh air… fresh air in the social scene context…Something to look forward to.. I am that type of person yes, short term goals work for me…

Dolly up, dress up, meet up with people my age, and have adult conversation, what more could I have asked for? One can get a bit bored by conversations that entails an almost four year olds vocab….and off course look at the menu out there, just look though, no touching…

So, firstly, when the night out arrived, I realised, I was over dressed, being the diva that I am.

Secondly, my date for the night, which was a mutual friend, had other ideas as to how we should spend the night.

Ideas, which did not fit my Diva to do list…..

Differences…. So, I tolerated her ideas for about plus minus 2 hours, I said to myself the whole time, mentally, stop being a diva, unwind, loosen up, blah blah, imagine pep talking yourself in public whilst on a night out, night out is a luxury, now I was spending it on pep talking myself.

And then I decided that I did Undiva a bit, I waved, I smiled, I made small talk – yes I did, the same person who swears by only meaningful encounters and then I decided to go home.

When I got home, I took of my very high heels, and I sat on my patio.

And I thought to myself:

 

 

 

‘’sipping a glass of wine, preferably a Merlot, well-aged, seated next to you, on the patio, listening to the sea waves with a bowl of popcorn, is the only night out I ever want to have from now onwards’’

 

Can I have another amen??

My heart says it’s time baby..

Do not take too long, patience is not my virtue….

 

 

xoxo

 

Curvy Scorpio Love