I give myself

 

‘’I give myself five days to forget you,

Day 1 I rust,

On the second I wilt,

On the third day I sit with friends, but I think about your tongue.

I clean my room on the fourth day.

I try to replace your scent on the fourth day.

The fifth day, I adorn myself like the mount of an inmate.

A wedding singer dressed in borrowed gold.

The midas of cheap metal tinsel in the middle of summer, crevice glitter, two days after the party.

I glow the way unwanted things do, a neon sign that reads, come I still taste like someone else’s mouth.’’

Warsan Shire

 

Each to his own Baby, Each to his own…

 

xoxo

cs

Conversations with the love of my life..

I have always loved you.

Since I can remember.

I most probably always will too…

I was a mere 20 years old when I met you and now I am in my late 30’s and to me you are the beginning and the end….still…..

I have searched high and low for you…And I still search for you in every man I meet.

But you are nowhere. Not even by chance.

I cannot find any other guy that even remotely comes close to you.

This is is so so sad hey….

And I am always left with that gap…an insurmountable void and it becomes bigger as time passes by.

This morning my phone rang and it was you on the other side of the phone…

What a splendid surprise….

We chatted about everything possible under the sun for about 30minutes…. We could not speak for months on end, but when we eventually do it is easy and filled with banter.

One thing you said stood out for me, you said, you want your partner next to you watching soccer, she can be doing anything else, but you at times has the need to just look at his partner, or know they are close by….them just to be.

And you said you cant find that anywhere as well.

And you think what has gone wrong in all your relationships was the fact that expectations was never clear. Boundaries were never set.

But you assured me you were fine, not too lonely, if you are, you deal with it…..

I am extremely lonely as I am getting older. I feel as if I am suffocating. Like time is running out.

Who knows, maybe one day, we could be together again…wild thoughts..

But I know, that ship has sailed……a very very long time ago, it is just wishful thinking.

Why settle for a flame baby, when you can have the whole damn fire!!!!

You are fire….

”the truth is most people who are together are not inlove and most people who are inlove are not together”

 

Curvy Scorpio

 

 

 

Mr. Well Done

‘’They call me Mr. Well Done, everything I do and say is Well Done,

Every Day the look is Well Done’’ Paradox Ft Riky Rick.

I dedicate this post to a dashing young man. N.U.L.L

You have been on my mind incessantly.

For about a week now, constantly, at times all the time, forcing my trial of thoughts to stop with whatever I am busy with and demanding my attention in the spirit but at times you were more subtle. Subtle was not your type of thing, you were bold and daring and you lived life to the fullest.

I met you in 2013.

2013 was thee year in my life, so many changes transpired, new job, new car, new love, new friends, everything brand new….and with child…. Therefore, I was working for one of the leading financial institutions in our country and my job title was, wait for it: Technical Skills Facilitator.

My line of duty made me known all over the country, that was the most interesting thing about being a facilitator, you got to know people and wherever you would go someone would step forward and exchange pleasantries and at times it was difficult to keep up with all the names, but I always remembered yours, you made an impact the first encounter we had. I was awarded the Induction Programme by my Direct Line Manager and I had to rather give the programme a face-lift.

Well, Induction is a programme that all new companies host for new employees, wherein new employees are given an overall view of what the company is all about.I vividly remember the day.

I was power dressing.

Black and White outfit and it was in the middle of winter. Winter’s in Windhoek is not friendly, but I was with child so I had a constant heat that was inside my body. Pregnancy is a blessing yes, but another horror because your body ends up doing weird things.

I had on heels too, even with child, I still wore heels, I am a heels lover, and heels totally boost my confidence, of which I do not have lack of by the way.I was almost in my last trimester, imagine, and I was glowing like a peach, more beautiful than ever.

How do I know this, because you could not stop looking at me, and that is understandable, but you see I have this extra gift of defining nonverbal communication. So apart from staring at me all the time, which was inevitable, I was facilitating this humungous workshop, you also tried to chit chat with me every possible chance you could get. It was a bit of a challenge since I was constantly running around, trying my utmost best to make the programme run smoothly in between speakers.

When I think of that particular day now, all I can remember about you, your persona is that cute, open friendly smile. Very naughty boy I thought.

No, it is not what you think, take your mind out of the gutter.

We became colleagues, obviously working for the same company.

We would have encounters, business wise, and later we became friends.

Exchanging movies, series, and music.

In addition, later we became FRIENDS.

No still not, what you think…. I have this thing; always hang out with more male friends than girlfriends. Let us blame it on my basketball playing days when I was a tomboy. I hope this sheds light to an ex who always had an issue with me hanging out with boys. We would chat and call and text, not constantly but your name would definitely appear in my last texts more than once a week.

You would literally share so many deep thoughts with me at 3am in the morning via a voice note if I did not pick up my phone, when you would call, and those voice notes where so profound, man oh man. Unfortunately, I am not willing to share it with you my reader. However, those profound voice notes always left a smile on my face. Moreover, loneliness got to me and to you and we decided to get to know each other a little bit better. I suppose the profound voice notes also paved the way. You had so much confidence for a person of your size – no offense to my readers. My dear friend was obese and had some ailments due to the obesity. I would fight with him for his way of living and drinking and there would be times that he is gravely ill and he would beg me like a little boy to go with him to the doctor of which I did, fuming off course. Acting like a mother hen.

I always thought he would die of one of those ailments. Lord forgive my thoughts.

One day he popped in after work and I offered him something to drink and he was so meticulous as to the brand and blah blah, but I think I did score some brownie points on whatever I served him. He eventually left and I walked him out, and the dude gave me a kiss. My people, I do not think any guy has ever kissed me like that before, he really caught me off guard, and what was a 10 sec kiss felt like a one hour kiss. My legs were jelly. It is as true as to what the saying says: Never Judge a Book by Its Cover. This book could kiss! He pulled away, and my underground structures said the Hail Mary and I am not even Catholic. Imagine. From that day onwards we shared a special bond, nothing more happened between us physically but we were closer, we would talk often, he would visit often and he would have all these big dreams and aspirations and he was so business savvy for his age. On a Sunday afternoon, he would pop by, heavily hung over, just lie on my carpet, and just be, something I totally got, because at times I just want to also just be. I would look forward to waking up to find a voice note from him whilst he was on his way to work at 6am. Committed and dedicated young chap.

I scrolled through my phone recently and found a pic I took in 2015 on your request, I was attending a music show, which was not your scene and you begged me to leave the show to join you, at some place and I refused and you settled for a picture, the deal was I let my friends take a picture and I send it to you via WhatsApp. I would always treasure that picture. Nevertheless, our ‘’situationship’’ never got off the ground. He was young and happening and I was a bit more matured and wanted stability, he reminded me of another frog that was in my life once that could never get enough of the party scene. Then we just became distant. Only now, I realise that you met someone else and you were serious with her and you could not maintain this weird friendship with another female no more.

You see men think we are stupid. They would never dump you unless you did something savage. They would just grow distant and not communicate no more, always leaving a door open. Seven months ago, someone send me a post on social media (screenshot) of your death. I was without words. I learned that you committed suicide, why you did that is none of my business and I will not judge you. It broke my heart though.

I am a New Apostolic Christian and we believe to pray for souls who have died in an unredeemed state inorder for that soul to find salvation in Christ. I am not trying to force my religion upon anyone, but just wish to give you a picture of why I write what I write. You my dear friend being on my mind so happens to be the exact same time that we have departed service coming up. That is not coincidince, you are reaching out. Divine services for the departed have an important place in a New Apostolic Christian’s calendar. God’s will to redeem encompasses all human beings. Jesus Christ is Lord over both the dead and the living (Romans 14: 9).

http://www.nak.org/catechism/12-divine-service-acts-of-blessing-and-pastoral-care/121-divine-service/12113-divine-services-for-the-departed/

 I pray that you may find comfort in the realm where you find yourself. I pray that I am worthy of interceding for you. I am sending you light, love and loads of hugs and kisses

And as I end this on a sad note, because I practically relived every little memory I made with you whilst writing this, I have to say, you were a LIMITED EDITION, a true true Mr. Well Done.

Thank You for being in my life for a little while and for sharing meaningful encounters. You totally got me.

No wonder you loved that song so much…

‘’They call me Mr. Well Done, everything I do and say is Well Done,

Every Day the look is Well Done’’ Paradox Ft Riky Rick.

From: Your Sugar Mumma – he use to call me that, imagine, lol….

 

Curvy Scorpio Love

 

xoxo

 

Balmy Summer Nights

I met you when I was young and innocent and oh so naughty and so much daring… Luckily that part of my personality has subsided..

The adventurer, always looking for something to keep myself busy with… always wanting a new challenge, that will ignite my veins with passion.

We started chatting, chatting evolved into calls, the calls became consistent, one call a week, then one call per day, then more than one call a day, and the calls would not end, we would have so much to talk about. Always talking, laughing, flirting.

On one sultry summer night, you invited me for dinner, and I agreed, so bad of me right, because, I had a boyfriend, but he lived in another town and I was all by myself, pre motherhood, and since I liked our conversations, I decided to say yes to having dinner. It’s only dinner right, in a public place, I had no intentions, and the sucker that I am I believed you had none too.

I will never ever forget that night.. It was the beginning of another phase of my life.

I was dressed in a peach, summer dress, with matching shoes, (who does that right? Fashion at times also) and I was a proud size 16 then.. (If you think this is big, then you don’t know my constant suffering with baby fat) Proud, and the dress was short, and that combo, as my boyfriend and baby daddy says till today is a deadly combo, my legs throw you off guard…all the time.

As I walked to you in the restaurant I chose, without asking me you have chosen a spot outside, so the light shone on my face, it was summer after all, making my eyes extra light brown, and no more hazel brown and I locked your gaze as I walked towards you and I saw it, but I shook it off, impossible I told myself.

We had a wonderful evening, you literally wine and dined me, I didn’t want the evening to stop. Innocently off course, since I was having fun.

You made me eat snails.. weird.. I imagine now how a life with you must be like, wild, daring, adventurous… We are from two totally different worlds you know.

You offered a night cap and I accepted. And entering your place I admired the view and I could not hear you no more and I turned around and there you were standing a few feet behind me, with your gaze on my legs, and that is when I knew that I am in trouble…

 

Damn those legs.

 

Writings of a Curvy Scorpio

 

 

Milestones – My 30th Birthday

 

Birthday’s was always my thing.

Ask my friends, well my childhood friends, they would tell you, every year we would have a big bash.

November never loose.

I can just imagine how I drove my parents crazy and up the walls..with all my demands, I vividly remember my 16^th birthday had champagne. Imagine champagne for 16 year olds. The venue was our garage, with my sound system, which up to today still exists, and my whole crew. Fun times, innocent times.

I hope my son will be more merciful once he realises what birthday parties mean. Up to now he has been a breeze. He has a birthday party every second year, a rule instituted by myself, nothing else. The year he has no party, we do something small and have a photoshoot as a family.

As he is nearing his 4th year on this earth a latest trend is erupting in our household, we need to have cupcakes, candles and a party hat so that if I tell him it is someones birthday and that person is not in the same town as us, we sing happy birthday, he has on his party hat and he blows out the candle and he takes it a bit further by forcing my hand for a gift. He just does not understand that it is not his birthday too…

However, as I became older and my parents fell away, birthdays did not become a thing anymore.

It was just an ordinary day, and it kind of left me disappointed, because, it will start building up from the 01^st of November – which me and my childhood friends labelled as Sweet November, and by the date of my birthday it will be an explosion, of feelings, erupting deep inside my belly, and I would be overjoyed, because it is MY birthday, MY day.

I dated such a charming man once, my birthdays would always be a THING, just like when I was a child, yes not with the garage party, with dimmed lights and a sound system and champagne, but a THING in the sense of, he would call me at 12am and wish me the nicest things that I have not ever heard, or send me a text at 12am and he had a way of saying my name, soft, and the letters would roll of his tongue, I would always think of clouds and clear skies, and heaven(my version of heaven), when I hear him say my name (imagine!). The day would start with a breakfast at some nice intimate place, the entire day I would be on cloud nice, and then a huge bunch of flowers would be delivered at my work place… He never sent flowers from the same flower shop, everytime they were a bit more exquisite and unconventional, thus my love for fresh flowers in my house started.

I have been a facilitator for 80% of my career so I would forever be having an audience when that huge bunch of flowers would be delivered, and as yellow (yellow bone) as I am, I would go completely red.. and as confident as I am, I would be lost to the world, to my audience and to humanity for a few seconds…..and then I would be upset, that he would insist that humungous bunch of flowers should be delivered personally to me infront of an audience, because most of the time the audience would not even know it is my birthday, but I loved every minute… okay, sorry totally derailed by nice thougths..

Back to my 30^th birthday.

So my 30^th birthday at least had to be special, but that charming guy was not there anymore to make it special, we had these on and off times, this was our off time..such a shame..

And my mother just passed away two months before my 30^th birthday, I was not expecting any thunder and lightning.

Yep, passed away, she was only 54, so young, I never expected her to die so young…a heart attack, right infront of me.. I will never forget that day, it is etched in my memory..

I was engulfed in pain, physical and emotional pain. It felt as if knives were stuck in my entire body… that is an excruciating pain mfana.

Pain that would cause me not to brush my hair daily, and I have ethnic hair, if it is wet and not dried and brushed, you will see a bad bad hairdo for days……………aphrodisiac..

Pain that would make me cry and wail on my sitting room floor for hours after work when I step into my flat. Shem..

I would feel how my lungs would search for air, but I would not get the air, and I would just cry…

I would get these mini panic attacks, only now I know it was panic attacks.

Horrible time in my life, there was this void, huge huge void…

Not a time I like to think about, but writing this forces me to think of it.

I told myself, the right thing to do, to celebrate my birthday, right after I buried my mother, would be not to celebrate. But friends convinced me and we had some type of bash on the rooftop of some prestigious hotel. But two days prior to this I decided to get a tattoo. Not my first, but also not just a tattoo. A tattoo of my mother’s name on my wrist. The tattoo artist was a mobile artist, so he would come to your home and do his thing in the comfort of your home. He is so gifted, and the reason why I chose my late mother’s name was at the age of 30 I was scared to forget my mother.

I was shit scared that I would forget the one person that meant the whole world to me, so I thought, by tattooing her name on my wrist, I can never forget her, even if I wanted to, if I turn around my wrist, I will see her name and I would remember her.

Such a silly thought of me, but I didn’t know it then.

I could never forget her, she was too awesome.

That tattoo was so painful, some friends and close cousins came to view the auspiscious event, and boy oh boy, I had one topping up my glass of wine every now and then, and as much as I was in pain, I cried, due to the physical pain I experienced but also due to the heart ache, I cried and cried and both hurt, it hurts so much at times still. I cannot remember what made me cry the most, the physical pain of getting a tattoo on my wrist, or the physical pain of loosing my mother not too long ago, but eitherway, I cried. I could never sleep alone anymore in my flat, I had to call my girlfriend all the time to come have sleep overs, poor girl, I abused her, if I slept alone and woke up the next morning, I would totally have a panic attack again… It was the worst feeling in the world to know that the one person who was consistent in your life from birth to almost 30 yrs is not there, to reprimand, to shout at you, etc…. It was the loneliest days of my life.

What I can tell you is that nothing is the same anymore, Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, etc

Years later, my birthdays are not what it was anymore. I prefer, quiet birthdays, which I spend with my son, that is meaningful.

I prefer meaningful interactions. Age is a wonderful teacher.

No more bashes, on rooftops or garages or 12am calls or 12am texts, and I give my son money to buy me humungous bunches of flowers….much to his excitement that he can have dollars…

I bet one day when he is grown up, he will buy his wife flowers all the time, humungous bunches, and he would tell her, mamma always wanted flowers…..and he would smile..

Enjoy your birthday.

Sending you Curvy Scorpio Love

Benefit of the doubt..

I was having a voice note conversation the other day with a friend of mine.

Voice note convos do count as a convo right, I am sure if a child born 20 years from now read this they would frown on what a voice note was.

Voice note my dear future generation is the current trend in our technological era.

Faster than typing an essay of a message, (and I am the essay type of girl) so rather record what you wanted to say and send it to your friend.

So she was going on about how I always give a certain person chances repeatedly and I tried explaining it to her, let me try to pen it down.

I told her that I try to see the good in people all the time. I would also want the favour to be shown to me, all the time.

Even though who says what, I give everyone a fair chance and give them the benefit of the doubt, and it is not because I think this particular person is a saint that I allow him/her every time in my life, it is because life is just too short to fight and hold grudges and hate people.

So yes, I am a sucker, I give a lot of people the benefit of my kind heart, because of my belief in humanity, because of my upbringing, I don’t know, but I do.

I should actually stop hey, it is behaviour that can be preyed upon by vultures or zopas, and (do you know what a zopa is?) Yes I see that some people is taking advantage, and that some people is trying not to appreciate me, but seriously, life is more about that than carrying a heavy heart….

Each to his own, if you think you are taking me for a ride.

Someone who always had an avenue to my heart recently disappointed me, what the person did is irrelevant, what is relevant for the sake of my writing is the emotions it sparked and the trial of thought.

Yes, I was supposed maybe to give this person a piece of my pretty mind, but you know what, I will not do that, it is no longer necessary. But you know what, blah blah, life goes on, he/she had their reasons.

What do they say: Actions speak louder than words, and then they say again, people show you how much they think of you by the way they care…. So true.

This person’s actions was deafening. But I am content. Within myself, so so content.

Because, the great thing about age is…. It is a wonderful teacher/master. It matures you and you know your body in depth and you know exactly what you want and not want. And you stop entertaining circus antics.

So yes, I give you the benefit of the doubt, you give me a rat’s ass, but hey, it is okay.

Call me dumb or stupid or naieve, but there can only be one me.

xoxo

 

 

Millenials and Manners

Millenials and Manners

 

Whatever happened to children born post the 1990’s.

Was there something in the food that their mother’s ate or something that caused this huge gap between them and their peers?

Or did they just fell on their heads?

I have interacted with many millennials, and they are just plain disgusting human beings. If you are a millennial and you are reading this, no pun intended.

jirrr they are rude….

They have to be rewarded for everything they do.

They are materialistic, like some people I know, imagine…

They do not do anything if it does not benefit them.

Whatever has happened to doing something and not getting anything out of it and just have that feeling of ‘’I did that, or I contributed to that’’ feel good vibes embrace you?

I dropped my car keys the other day, waiting for my lunch order.

A millennial was standing next to me.

I was waiting for the manly approach of him offering to pick up my keys.

Yes, I demand such mannerisms with my looks. Have you ever seen me? Then don’t roll your eyes. And no I am not conceited, it is called self esteem.

However this boytjie could not be phased.

He moved infront of me, not acknowledging that I am a female and his elder and that he should be courteous, no he thought I was trying to steal his spot.. even if I did, the punk, he should have let it slide if he had any pride in his bones, because I am a lady. And no, lets not even go to the we are equal crap. It is just good plain old manners. And yep, he didn’t offer to pick up my key.

I had to bend it like beckham and pick it up while the brother was unphased by what just happened.

Bend it like beckham in a mini skirt and heels, imagine… luckily it was in Walvisbay and not Windhoek.. My love for minis skirts also…

Walvisbay there is no talent, so I was not worried about my image….lol.

And this millennial, is not older than 15 or so.

 

My 3year old son, if he gives me something and I say thank you, he replies it was my pleasure mummy….

So this other boy has a lot to learn hey.

And that is what is happening in the dating scene also, these boys, kids, or men, whatever they should be called nowadays is not phased by a woman, they don’t pursue they don’t fight, they just do not go the extra mile…

 

Uncouth millennial

Picturesque Dreams

 

 

‘’There’s power in love. Do not underestimate it. Anyone who has ever fallen in love, knows what I mean’’ Most Reverend Michael Bruce Curry

 

This has been a tough year for me. Tougher than tough….

The year is six months older and I relocated in the past six months and had to call the town I grew up in for most of my teenage years home again. Easy peasy right? Nope. But I am grateful nontehless. Filled with gratitude, that I can walk the same streets I walked as a child.

How am I doing calling the town home, lets just say, it is a gradual process.

I have been gone 17 years. I feel foreign. People stare at me as if I am foreign. When I speak I speak in English, then that is also stared at, because everyone here want to only communicate in Afrikaans. I suppose I dress foreign too, hey, I do hail from the capital city of Windhoek, there we do heels and designer labels to work, here it seems it is pumps and loads and loads of warm winter clothes, even if it is not winter. If I should ever leave this town it will be because of the bad weather, yohr, it is bad and depressing, constantly wet and cold and so not perdy friendly. And I am a lady who feels with my hair, if my hair looks good, my whole being feels good.

I had a lot of reasons why I wanted to come back ‘’home’’.

Most part of it was to get away from you.

I felt as if I was suffocating…

The love I felt for you was too much. My heart wanted to explode.. It felt as if I constantly had mini heart attacks.

I felt at times to shout like Michael Buble does on one of his songs, the title of the song of which I am unable to recall now – he spontaneuously shouts, please don’t love me so much!! – however you were not guilty of that… but I imagine how Michael should have felt when he sang that song and shouted those words.

And never did I knew, that I would regret my decision. I regret it daily…

Part of me hoped that you would follow us, that you would beg me to stay. Yep, I am so naieve.. If I can teach any girl a valuable lesson which she will take to heart is, my sister, a man knows when he wants to be with you or not, when he shows it to you over and over and over, believe him, stop hoping and move on.

I think I can be officially classified as an emotional decision maker, which is totally not a good thing.

You again pushed me away for the hundredth time on the 09^th of May 2018.

And that was the proverbial what broke the camels back.

I cried myself a river and two weeks later, I still cry… but today I decided I will not cry anymore.

I had a dream.

I think God blessed me with supernatural dreaming abilities, and writing abilities.. Whenever I dream, I am able to pen it down, and I think by now, we can say me penning down my dreams and thoughts is fairly okay….

My dreams come in HD and surround sound and so much magic, always. Well at least the ones I can remember.

I remembered that you came to me.

You told me that you have finally decided, you are not dumping me.

You told me that you wanted  to be us for always.

And you held me so tenderly.

And I hugged you back.

And the moment was so big and so magical.

I could sense you, I could smell you, I could feel my goosebumps jumping up on my arms when I processed the information and all I could think of was what next.

That moment, in my dream, where I could just touch you and hold you and have you all to myself in HD and real time and all the magic that modern television entails, I was happy.

I woke up naturally and I was not sad, I had a smile on my face, that I could have such a beautiful dream.

But our sub conscious be selling us lies these days.

Hey, but it is my fault hey, cause I am feeding that sub conscious.

 

We live and we learn…..

 

xoxo

How Long…

”When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far and nobody can keep them apart”

In today’s life we all know that the ratio of men to woman on this earth and in our country is fairly low.

Talking from a single woman’s perspective. The struggle, is so so real. So the chance of your soulmate being out there, waiting patiently on you while he is a work in progress in 2018 is zilch!

Yes, I have said it. Let us not lie to each other anymore. It is survival of the fittest.

You SNATCH or you get SNATCHED. You need to be wide awake these days in a relationship. And you need to be many other different things… Since it is Monday, I would like to keep my writing as clean as possible, so I will not dwell on what other things you need to be to make sure your relationship survive these harsh conditions of our evil world. But the chances of your soulmate being married to someone else out there is fairly high and you just have to keep yourself busy till his partner dies or something else. I am dead serious.

I always had this older colleague who would say, don’t worry, your husband is still married to someone else, relax, he will come one day. I used to laugh at that, I was in my early 20’s then, now a decade later, I would like to say to that, preach  my sister preach.

I attended a funeral once, the poor wife was in pieces of having to bury her husband. Since I was fairly closely related to the widow, I recognised who is family and who is not. I stood a bit far from the open grave.  I’ve got this thing for open graves and funerals, it drives me into -200 depression world. And I do suffer from depression. So I was trying to guard myself emotionally and from self inflicted emotional pain by standing far from the grave. I heard a guy talking next me and I turned around to get a closer look, do you know what he said, he told his friend: ”there she is my brother, the widow, she is fine like red wine! Young woman still, shame, I bet the estate will be healthy, I better move quickly.” I almost slapped that guy, he was not a relative or supporting friend, he was a vulture. Afterwards I heard it is apparently a thing in that particular area for younger men to attend random funerals so they can prey on the family… Shame on you.

I also know of a some men that would read a certain newspaper publication diligently, you see this newspaper would always publish the estates as well, and then these gentleman would get their victims. Need I say more? Well, I am not here to write about that, (everyone needs to put bread on the table, let me not judge how people do that)I just wanted to paint you a picture… So, hypothetically, what if my soulmate is still married and we have not found each other, and his wife passes away and in some miracle, we meet and we realise instantly this is it, how long do we wait in order not to be disrespectful to family and friends before we start our lives together? The same goes for a divorce, what if we met whilst he was in the midst of divorce, and now the divorce is finalised, when do you publically start living your lives. So please keep your minds open to this particular piece of writing.

I had this discussion also with my friends, bless your souls over the weekend. When is dating after a spousal’s death acceptable, how long do one have to wait, how do one go about it. Why does the spouse that is left behind jump so quickly into the other person’s pants-literally-. That is a discussion for another day, not today. But my two cents, it is definitely loneliness that sparks these actions. Loneliness my friend, I have come to know is some enemy, and it creeps up on you like a silent disease, ready to conquer you  mind, body and spirit. So, how long?

It is deemed appropriate in many cultures to wait at least a year. But my friend, a year is a long long time if you are lonely and hungry and emotionally starving  for this kind of love and companionship. If being with this person has been the only thing that has been fuelling you daily.

How long when you were already involved prior to the spouse’s death? And wishing she would die daily? – remember it is hypothetical…..

I had a friend who actually said this once, I wish she would die so I can screw her husband in peace…. Sorry friend, I had to mention it here… how else will I get followers.

I would say you guys would want to jump on it as soon as possible, (given if I was in this predicament, I would want to be with him the day after the funeral, I know I know) however, to save face and dignity and to honour the person’s memory you will also wait a certain period of time, but what if, after the issue that kept you guys apart, it is just never the right time to be together, what if his kids cannot get over their mother’s death, what if he has a jealous sister who wants to benefit from him and would fight any human tooth and nail that comes close to him. What if you do eventually end up together and you fight for one another and  you realise after some time that this is not it. What if he swore high and low to be with you and when this eventually happens and he is a single man by death of his spouse and he is free to be with you he just does not come running?

 So and even if you end up together, life is so messed up hey, maybe then when he is free we are not meant to be together….

Once again, I would pose  you the question, how long is an acceptable time to move on….

I don’t think there is an acceptable time frame involved, we are all different and unique and have our own ways of doing things.

So to the spouses in the beyond, please forgive us, if we snatch your husbands away too quicly. And to the bereaved family. Sorry. We too are human…

Confessions of a Curvy Scorpio

Ice Cold Beer and Alicia Keys

I am an avid music listener. At times I think I was supposed to be a musician.

I can sing, I can dance, I have the face for it, and I definitely have the attitude for it. In my next life I will definitely choose to be the next Cardi B. Ohh and I am a Hip Hop Groupie. I unceremoniously confess to that, no two-way about it. Music to me is like fresh air, it sets the tone for a new day, it sets the tone for a mood and with music I have created so much fond memories, my cup overflowed.

I am an intense woman. I do everything with passion and vigour. So when I listen to good music, I feel it with every inch of my body, and most of the time I would sing along.

So this one year, Alicia Keys, dropped a new album and I just had to have it. I was dating some useless Grandpa, yes Grandpa, that my cousin hooked me up with.

But my cousin always plays cupid in my life and the guys I end up dating cause of her, has always been train wrecks, I have told her since whenever she would spin me with that line, I want you to meet someone, that I am not interested.

So Grandpa was in SA and had to buy me the album there since it hits the shelves first there, and off course Grandpa suffered from some lying illness, does all SA men not suffer from that? No pun intended. He never brought the album, but brought a bag of lies and not one gift for his younger girlfriend, and no to your next question, I do not have daddy issues… and if I have it is none of anyone’s business. Anyways, I ended up buying the album for myself, and I listened to it, on a CD player, feels so foreign to tell you about a CD player and Hi Fi systems. Technology has evolved from that. So Uncle Bae aka Grandpa also wanted to listen to my album that I have purchased locally and off course I refused. Like is he feeling some type of pain or what. Men can take chances I tell you.

I honoured family tradition and left for holiday at home, by the sea. My cousin joined in. My cousin, is a year younger than me and she is a Scorpio woman, with a whole lot of crazy, but I love her to death, she is the same one who always hook me up with them train wrecks. We always hang out together, we always get sloshed together, I always try to make her kiss other boys when her guy is not around, but she is too scared….but fun we always have… she will tell you about it. And the next day we will laugh until we cannot no longer about the things we did and said…

So we visited my brother for the Christmas holidays and we wanted to have a drink and loads of ciggies but we couldn’t do that in front of the older generation so we resorted to the garage. Imagine, a slay queen like me chilling in a garage on Christmas Day, oh so Christmas Day in our tradition is to stay at home, stuff your face and not go nowhere…. you can have a nap and wake up and have a drink but your foot not outside that house madam… weird traditions, the next day, the 26th of December, you can go all Kaboom on the neighbourhood by going to Dollies..or to the beach.. in your two piece…. what a sight for sore sore eyes…

So back to the garage, Alicia Keys in background, me and cousin and beers..and a whole lot of memory lane and unspoken feelings….

Ice cold beers, any Namibian would tell you  that an Ice Cold beer is what salt is to a good meal, you cannot go without it, and it is pure sin and so tasty. We had one beer after the other, cause you see my brother had this old fridge in his garage that would chill the drinks within minutes. And it was as if our thirst was unquenchable, I was stuck on someone, story of my life and I was dating someone else, who clearly had feet of clay and was a dinosaur….aka an uncle bae, lol, uncle bae even proposed after mum passed away, thinking I am now a billionare, he is a punk righ?  and there was that song of Alicia….. Try sleeping with a broken heart…… I still remember those lyrics…. it felt as if my sister Alicia, wrote those lyrics for me, all the way in Namibia, as if she knew my pain, my struggles….

”and all the time you were telling me lies,

so tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you…”

 

I still get goosebumps when I listen to that song. And high in spirits me and my cousin made pacts with each other, not to fall for punks no more… laugh out loud, another story of both our lives….

 

Thank you Alicia, for beautiful music oh and off course that funky purple cat suit in that music video!

xoxo

writings of a cuvy scorpio